Things I Have Learned from Children

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3 year old child’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush along with the words “uh oh,” it’s already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).

A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably don’t want to know what that smell is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

p/s – if you did try clorox and brake fluid, make sure you catch on video.