No More Chain Mail Please!!

to all my friends, thanks to you for forwarding me all sorts of chain e-mail letters all along the years:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any guy no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny, that girl, she’s been 7 since 1993….

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special foward some e-mail program.

* My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

* I also stopped pumping my own gas for fear that my gas tank would burst into flames. (I’m sitting here in the parking lot, out of gas, sending you this e-mail on my laptop. I’m still using my old cell phone.)

* But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: if you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. at least, I sure hope so.


5 Responses to “No More Chain Mail Please!!”

  1. Hey Kaesen,

    Here’s my list:

    *My true love will kiss me at 7.45 pm on Friday, that’s every Friday since last Easter

    *I have a one way ticket to heaven coz I’m not a heartless sociopath who does not spread the word of God

    *I have won a laptop, 3 mobile phones, a refrigerator, shoes, a boat and a reindeer! All of which will be couriered to me shortly.


  2. hahaa!! great list.. sometimes they just really annoying the hell out of us..

  3. Yeah they do…The funny part is how they close the e-mail… Here’s how the last chain mail I received, ended:

    “Even If you treat it as all Fake … Try to forward Please. It Does not Cost For You. BE OPTIMISTIC”

    What in the world!?! 😀

  4. seems like a desperate chain mailer.. hah!! i would be rather be optimism they wipe out chain mail from the world..

  5. I just ignore them and hope to God a bird doesn’t crap on me 😉

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