No More Chain Mail Please!!

to all my friends, thanks to you for forwarding me all sorts of chain e-mail letters all along the years:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any guy no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny, that girl, she’s been 7 since 1993….

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special foward some e-mail program.

* My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

* I also stopped pumping my own gas for fear that my gas tank would burst into flames. (I’m sitting here in the parking lot, out of gas, sending you this e-mail on my laptop. I’m still using my old cell phone.)

* But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: if you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. at least, I sure hope so.

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5 Responses to “No More Chain Mail Please!!”

  1. Hey Kaesen,

    Here’s my list:

    *My true love will kiss me at 7.45 pm on Friday, that’s every Friday since last Easter

    *I have a one way ticket to heaven coz I’m not a heartless sociopath who does not spread the word of God

    *I have won a laptop, 3 mobile phones, a refrigerator, shoes, a boat and a reindeer! All of which will be couriered to me shortly.

    🙂

  2. hahaa!! great list.. sometimes they just really annoying the hell out of us..

  3. Yeah they do…The funny part is how they close the e-mail… Here’s how the last chain mail I received, ended:

    “Even If you treat it as all Fake … Try to forward Please. It Does not Cost For You. BE OPTIMISTIC”

    What in the world!?! 😀

  4. seems like a desperate chain mailer.. hah!! i would be rather be optimism they wipe out chain mail from the world..

  5. I just ignore them and hope to God a bird doesn’t crap on me 😉

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