all the pretty masks

masks1os0he went out yesterday for a jamming session with his fellow band mates. all of them were having great time chatting after jamming. it was 3.00am in the Sunday morning where send few of his band mate home. once he drop off his last friend home,  his face turned from a smile to a pathetically inadequate. he reached home at 4.00am.

Drinving_on_by_did*door slam causing Fugly to wake and Richard to jump in surprise and loose his tail.*

Fugly: for fuck sake dude!! it’s 4am in the morn!! and where the fuck have you been?


*kaesen start grab stuff and throwing angryily.*


kaesen: why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t i just ignore it? why can’t i just walk by and don’t give a fuck about it? why can’t i just being an asshole and fuck it all? why can’t i shit it be brave about how i feel? why can’t i just have an amnesia? why can’t someone just careless, run me over and die on the spot? why? WHY??!! why i need a reminder of her?

Richard: dude, what are you talking about? you suppose to be happy for this moment of your life. you really CAN do anything you want. anything. from flirting to fucking. it’s all up to you. sometimes weed is the answer, you know?

Fugly: yea. seriously dude, GET A FUCKING LIFE!! maybe this world is actually hell as people speak but you still can have your life here. go everywhere.  do something. do anything. fuck something. don’t think too much, just.. do it. if you still waiting for the moment, you miss all those fun stuff.

kaesen: i know!! i’m trying and i thought i will and i did. i was asked to have a drink before i could bring his son out from the house. which is his relative house. i went in there, unwillingly of course, and hoping i just grab a drink and go. and fuck!!  when i went in the house, the first person i notice, is her. no others, none others. she turn away and not looking at all. and of course i am deeply upset about it. put up my most fucked up fake smile to cover up and greet everyone in the house.

happy-512-x-384i greet the elderly, including her mum and still in big fake smile. grab the drink, say thanks for it, chat up a little and rush for the door. as i about to get out the door, i have another look at her, AUTOMATICALLY turning my head. she is still there, on the sofa trying the best to ignore me, talking to her sister in law. i think i stop continuing my fake smile, back to anger+sad face and took off.

kanamara - tengu

i know she is forgetting about me and i can’t do anything about it. all i can do is indulge myself with work, forgetting everything, eat until i can’t anymore, sleep as i intend to fall if i’m awake or maybe spending time alone in front my laptop writing blog with HOPE that she might read all these and miracles could happen. i still waiting the two answers that she owe me. why did she break it off? and why is she so pissed off about me? what did i to deserve all these? tell me. seriously, if i don’t stop all this thinking, i might end up in sanatorium, laughing and crying at the same time trying to make my brain stop working.

*silent in the room.*

kaesen: fuck you guys!! no words of encouragement? i’m sleeping outside because i have fucking flu. FUCK!!

*kaesen grab his pillow and blanket before slamming the door shut.*



4 Responses to “all the pretty masks”

  1. hence why i try to avoid coming to the office *wink* *wink* new faces always help and… stop wondering. accept it as it is cheer up mate!

    oh and someone told me this, its hard to forget, even if you try. but if let it be, the hurt will slowly fade away… make sense huh?

  2. yea, i did just float the boat and follow the stream flow.
    it’s not as easy as said by people.
    maybe the problem that i have is that i always get ‘update’.
    maybe i should disappear for at least half a year from KK.

  3. sometimes you need to do necessary evil for the greater good. you need to kill all them zombies hahahaha… declining any invitation that would involved an ‘update’ is the 1st step, eventhough it means dissing your friend. a good friend would understand

  4. hahaa!! there’s only one way to do that.
    try to get transfer to Brunei and cut off all connection to KK including internet.
    then i might be able to cut off all ‘update’.

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