the last love letter

the last love letter

Dear my love,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, I’m in love with your cat. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me at the mental hospital and I saw you put whipped cream on my salt-beef bucket. I’m sure you’re open enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I’m returning your the couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep your photo with the moustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Please don’t hurt me,

kaesen

-INSTRUCTIONS-

Dear (someone you recently talked to),

I don’t really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I’m sure you’re (6) enough to understand (7). I’m returning your (8) to you, but I’ll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),

Name

1. What’s the color of your shirt?

  • Blue – I’m in love with your cat
  • Red – Our affair is over
  • White – I’m joining the Convent
  • Black -Our romance is over
  • Green- Our socks don’t match
  • Grey – You’re a leprechaun
  • Yellow – I’m selling myself for candy
  • Pink – Your nostrils are insulting
  • Brown – The mafia wants you
  • No shirt – Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
  • Other – I dislike your eyelashes

2. Which is your birth month?

  • January – That night you picked your nose
  • February – When I quoted Forrest Gump
  • March – When your dwarf bit me
  • April – When I tripped on peanut butter
  • May – When I threw up in your sock drawer
  • June – When you put cuffs on me
  • July – When I saw the purple monkey
  • August – When you smacked my ass
  • September – Last year when you peed your pants
  • October – When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
  • November – When your dog humped my leg
  • December – When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?

  • Tacos – When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
  • Chicken- In your car
  • Pasta – Outside of your office
  • Hamburgers – Under the bus
  • Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
  • Lasagna – In your closet
  • Kebab – With Jean Chrétien
  • Fish – In a clown suit
  • Sandwiches – At the Elton John concert
  • Pizza – At the mental hospital
  • Hot dog – Under a street light
  • Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the color of your socks?

  • Yellow – Ignore
  • Red – Put whipped cream on
  • Black – Hit on
  • Blue – Knock out
  • Purple – Pour syrup on
  • White – Carve your initials into
  • Grey – Pull the clothes off
  • Brown – bit of
  • Orange – Castrate
  • Pink – Pull the pants off of
  • Barefoot – Sit on
  • Other – Drive over

5. What’s the color of your underwear?

  • Black – My boyfriend
  • White – My father
  • Grey – The Catholic Priest
  • Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
  • Purple – My corned beef hash
  • Red – My knee caps
  • Blue – My salt-beef bucket
  • Yellow – My illegitimate child in Ghana
  • Orange – My Blink 182 cd
  • Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
  • Other –The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?

  • One Tree Hill – Senile
  • Heroes- Frostbitten
  • Lost – High
  • Simpsons- Cowardly
  • The news – Scarred
  • American Idol – Masochistic
  • Family Guy – Open
  • Top Model – Middle-class
  • Annat – shamed


7. Your mood right now?

  • Happy – How awful you are
  • Sad – How boring you are
  • Bored – That I get turned on only by garbage men
  • Angry – That your smell makes me vomit
  • Depressed – That we’re related
  • Excited – That I may pee my pants
  • Nervous – The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
  • Worried – That your Ford sucks
  • Apathetic – That you need a sex-change
  • Silly – That I’m allergic to your earlobes
  • Cuddly – That Santa doesn’t exist
  • Ashamed – That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
  • Other – That your driving sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?

  • White – Your toe ring
  • Yellow – Your love letters to me
  • Red – The pictures from Vegas
  • Black – Your pet rock
  • Blue – The couch cushions
  • Green – Your car
  • Orange – Your false teeth
  • Brown – Your nose hair clippers
  • Grey – Our matching snoopy underwear
  • Purple – Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
  • Pink – The cut toenails
  • Other – Your Hannah Montana underwear

9. The first letter of your first name?

  • A/B – My virginity
  • C/D – Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
  • E/F – Your neighbors dog
  • G/H – The oil tank from your car
  • I/J – Your left ear
  • K/L – The results of that blood-sample
  • M/N – Your glass eye
  • O/P – My common sense
  • Q/R – Your mom
  • S/T – Your collection of butterflies
  • U/V – Your criminal record
  • W/X – Your sucide note
  • Y/Z – Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?

  • A/B – Love your sweet, sweet ass
  • C/D – Always will remember the pep talks
  • E/F -Never will forget that night
  • G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
  • I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
  • K/L – Hate your cooking
  • M/N – Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
  • O/P – Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
  • Q/R – Always wanted to break your legs
  • S/T – Get sick when I think of your feet
  • U/V – Will try to forget that you broke my heart
  • W/X – Haven’t showered in a month
  • Y/Z – am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?

  • Wine- Our friendship is ruined
  • Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
  • Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
  • Milk – The apartment building is on fire
  • Water – I’m scratching my butt as you read this
  • Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
  • Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
  • Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
  • Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
  • Whiskey – I love Oprah Winfrey
  • Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
  • Other – you should stop picking your nose

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?

  • Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
  • Australia – Best of luck on the sex change
  • France – Love always
  • Spain – With tears of sadness
  • China – You make me sick
  • Germany – Please don’t hurt me
  • Japan – Go milk a cow
  • Greece – Your everlasting enemy
  • USA – Greetings to your frog Leonard
  • Egypt – Kiss my butt
  • England – Go drown yourself.

hahahahaaa!!! i love this tag. anyway, here’s something from my  head.

“so this love is just another lies to your sweet fantasy

……….how long do you plan to run now?

……….……….……….how far do you run now?

……….……….……….……….so what do you want now?”

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3 Responses to “the last love letter”

  1. why lemOn ? hahaaaa~ of all names ? ~_~

  2. when life give you a lemon, you make lemonade!!

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